From Stuckness to Surrender: How I Found My Freedom

The Dream That Felt Out of Reach

There was a time when I only dreamed about traveling. I longed for adventure, fulfillment, joy, passion, ease, and flow. But instead of feeling those things, I felt only lack.

On the outside, my life looked fine. I had a roof over my head, food, loving family and friends, good health from running and gym sessions, and even the occasional camping trip in nature. But inside, I felt restless. Something was missing. Everything looked “comfortable,” but I felt off balance, stuck, and unsure how to move forward.

Avoiding the Inner Struggle

I lived like this for months, avoiding my uncomfortable emotions. But avoiding doesn’t make feelings go away - it pushes them deeper.

What I learned is that emotions only move when we allow ourselves to feel them. Not by analyzing or labeling them, but by letting them come in waves. Frustration might shift into anger, then shame, then grief - until eventually, the storm passes and you reach a neutral space again.

The Breaking Point

One night, after too many sleepless hours pretending I was okay, I broke down. Alone in my room, I collapsed onto the floor, rocking back and forth as tears poured down my face.

I cried out to an invisible force: “Help me! I don’t know what to do.”

For the first time, I let myself feel everything - without judgment, without pushing it away. My body shook, emotions poured through me, and eventually, I was exhausted. And in that exhaustion, I whispered the words that changed everything:

“I surrender. I give up the need to control. Please, show me what I need to do.”

The Surrender

The moment I surrendered, my body softened. The shaking stopped. A calm washed over me. I didn’t get an answer, but I felt trust for the first time in a long while. Trust that somehow, everything would be okay.

That night, I slept deeply. The next day I had more energy. Day by day, I felt lighter. The problems were still there, but they no longer controlled me.

Following the Spark

Even during my struggle, one desire kept tugging at me: to travel. At first, it felt impossible - I had financial struggles and no idea how to make it happen.

Then came an idea: work on a yacht.

I sold my unreliable car, took the courses I needed, and started applying. The process wasn’t easy. Most yacht jobs required me to be in Europe, with money for flights, accommodation, and months of “dock-walking.” I didn’t have those resources. So I also considered cruise ships, where contracts were longer but provided more security.

For months, I sent out applications - 10 to 30 a day! Finally, one job caught my eye: a brand-new super yacht, technically classed as a cruise ship but small enough to still feel like a yacht.

I applied, interviewed, and was selected.

The Breakthrough

A month later, I was in Spain, joining the crew of a luxury vessel that traveled through Europe and the Caribbean. I worked as one of five spa therapists, learned Forbes 5-star service standards, earned enough to pay back my debts, and eventually moved to Thailand.

Looking back, just three years before, I couldn’t have imagined this life. But it began with that one night of surrender. That moment when I finally released control and allowed myself to feel.

What I Learned About Healing

This is what I've learnt, as an energy healer and through my lived experience:

• Healing requires us to release the emotions we’ve buried.

• Suppressed feelings become stagnant energy - this is the stuckness.

• Energy doesn’t disappear. It transforms, but only if we allow it to move.

• Expression - crying, journaling, moving, shaking, laughing - is how we let energy flow.

  
  

It’s scary to face emotions because we fear the stories attached: What if this proves I’m weak? Worthless? Not deserving? But those are only stories - beliefs we created long ago to survive. They are not who we are.

And when you allow yourself to face them, you realize that you are far stronger than the stories.

2023 - A walk through a small marina town in Portofino, Italian Riviera

A Note to You

I know how difficult it can be to go through something like this - especially when you can’t quite put your finger on what’s “wrong,” you just know something feels off. If this is where you are right now, you don’t have to face it alone.

My healing sessions are designed to support you through these moments of stuckness, helping you release the emotions that weigh you down so you can move forward with clarity and trust.

Or, if you’d like gentle guidance and inspiration sent straight to your inbox, you can subscribe to my newsletter and stay connected with the tools and insights I share.

Whatever step feels right for you... I’m here to remind you that you are not alone, and that change is always possible. 💜