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A lot of my anxiety used to come from worrying about what other people think. I was always trying to please others... To make them like me. Their thoughts about me mattered. Knowing that I was liked by everyone dictated my every move. But, it stopped me from being myself. From talking out openly and honestly. From saying things when they needed to be said. Eventually after years of this type of conditioning, I lost touch with myself, of my own values and opinions. I aimed to please. But at what cost? Other people's opinions of me impacted the way I thought of myself... My appearance, thoughts and attitude. Feeling not good enough. Even with though those closest to me praising me, I overlooked them as I felt it was just part of their loving duty to tell me things I wanted to hear.
But, once I started changing, once I truly allowed myself to fully embrace that change on all levels of my being, once I decided to connect with my Self, that all stopped. It's been a journey (as any type of change is). It wasn't easy either, and required courage, strength and willpower! Part of that change was about taking a deep look within, at me, and try to figure out what the significance was that made me worry so much about other people's thoughts and opinions of me.
My takeaway was that this was all a reflection of me. It was because I had an opinion about them! (Profound!!) I was comparing myself to them. I needed their approval as I didn't approve of myself. And by going inward I started searching for all the reasons as to why I didn't approve of myself... I must say, it wasn't easy. This sort of stuff rarely is. It's about taking a good hard honest look at yourself. Of your perfections and your imperfections. It's about facing those demons within and steering over the troubled water. It will break you down, to tears. It will become an emotional rollercoaster whereby all you can do is hold on.
And then, one day, the sun shines. It starts peaking through the clouds and you can sense the hope, you can sense the love within. It was always there, I just had to dig deep. I had to uncover the layers. And finally the clouds cleared and the sun displayed all her beautiful glory. And then I realized that the change had become me. And that I am the creator of my own thoughts and emotions. When my sun started shining fully, I realized that what other people think of me has absolutely nothing to do with me. I understood that everyone has the right to their own opinion, and, quite frankly, if they have any reason not to like me, then that is their their own business, as life is just reflecting back to them what they need to face within.
My life is now lived with integrity, honesty and love. When all this changed, and when I understood that, my anxiety did too. I no longer live as the perfectionist version of my former self that was dictated by other people's thoughts of me. I now live life maximizing my opportunity!
I am making more friends along the way and I am appreciating my old ones. Without my old way of thinking, I no longer stand in my own way, as the biggest lesson I learnt out of all this is that other people's thoughts of me weren't even their real thoughts of me and that they were my own as I have no way at all of knowing what anyone else is thinking! How profound is that! It's crazy actually!
This whole time, I was actually sabotaging my own happiness!
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